I've thought about this day for the past year. Dreaded it for so many reasons. 13 years. Half my life. Half of it with my mom, half of it without. This is the half way point. Any moment after this will only equate to me having lived more time on this earth without a mother than with one. I keep thinking about how different my life would have turned out, so much better.
As the years go by the days and times I think of you diminish but never the intensity in which I miss you. I think part of the reason why I dreaded this day so much is because I am afraid that after this I'll just keep forgetting more and more. Other memories will occupy my white matter and the memories of you will become scarce. If I could just see you, hear you, feel you again. If you could see your grandkids, spend the holidays with us. There hasn't been a day in the past thirteen years that I haven't wished you were here. I know it wouldn't be perfect but it would be SO much better with you. I just wish I had the opportunity to give back to you what you gave me those 13 years. I'll forever miss you and forever love you. I hope the after life is real so I get to see again.
