Yesterday marked 11 years since my mother passed away. The day came and went. It began with a trip to the gym, then work, dinner with the boyfriend, and then it hit me. I went to bed and all the pent up emotions and frustrations hit me. 11 years without her. She's not here. Most days I accept the reality that is my life. I have no mother (or father for that fact), I live on my own, and the holidays are hard. However, today it all feels like too much to bear. It all just seems like some kind of sick joke, like a nightmare that will end soon, like a life that isn't really mine. The years will continue to pass and with it will go the clear memories but never these feelings. In 4 days another marker will come, the anniversary of the funeral. After that, the days will pass, the raw emotions will subside to be buried until next fall when I'll let the bitterness resurface again.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss you but on most days the emptiness is bearable. Today I don't feel as strong as I'd like, today I let my walls down (as much as my introverted self will allow), today I need you. I love you Mom!
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